Sense and Sensitivity
by uxorious
Summary: The story of Harm and Mac begins to unravel through a conversation with Sturgis


Sense and Sensitivity

A/N -- This is a response to the January Challenge. It's more the story of Harm and Mac through a conversation with Sturgis, but I eventually get there with our pair. Mac has no problems with endometriosis and probabilities for bearing children, so there are no allusions to any of those issues getting in Harm and Mac's way. I always thought that was gratuitous 'angst' and hated that they flung that in. Also, I hope my timing is ok – I get confused with episode sequences. This conversation takes place after Paraguay, after/during Mattie, after 4% Solution, after Automatic ForThe People.

JAG HQ  
Friday Evening, 1800

Sturgis peeked into Mac's office, noting that he was not the only dedicated lawyer still hard at work at the end of a long, exhausting week. Mac looked like she was still in the thick of things, though, with files piled high on her desk, rolling back and forth from her PC to the file cabinet and back to her desk, and tapping her pencil while talking to herself. Sturgis, on the other hand, was about to call it a night as Varese was expecting him at the jazz club for her first set at 2000. He loved the hot chicken wings and celery and blue cheese dip there and was looking forward to kicking back with a nice cold beer, a tasty light supper, and of course, being mesmerized by the melodies and the beauty of the love of his life. Ah, life was sure sweet!!! Before that all started, he wanted to check in on Mac to make sure she wouldn't be here until she turned into a pumpkin. Boy, she sure looked tired, drawn, and unhappy these days. For that matter, Harm did, too. When would the two of them get it together?!

Sturgis: "Hey, Mac, I'm heading out. You got any exciting plans for the weekend?"

Mac(startled, as she was crouching down in her swivel chair, pulling a file from the bottom drawer – swung around, sat upright, and looked up, a bit irritated from the interruption): "Oh, yeah, yeah, I got BIG, BAD plans ALL WEEKEND long with the best 3 people I know for miles – ME, MYSELF, and I!!!! Sure, Sturg, life is peachy, life is a dream!!! Why would you ask me that??!! You KNOW I have diddly going on in my life AND, you KNOW my secret – how can you be so cruel and insensitive asking about my weekend right before you head off into the sunset with the love of your life!!!! Honestly, Sturgis, you are SO insensitive!!!"

Sturgis; "Whoa, whoa, whoa – wait a minute, Colonel – I was merely making conversation AND taking a moment to say good night and assure that you wouldn't stay too much longer, because I CARE, Mac! I was certainly not trying to rub in that I have somebody in my life and you DON'T – and not JUST somebody – but someone I love. Mac, you gotta believe me. And I know you're super-sensitive to me BECAUSE you think that I KNOW your secret and somehow will slip-up on it – to Harm or someone else, or NOW, to you. Hell, even asking you a simple question has turned into a fiasco! SO, I WILL try to be more sensitive, but you HAVE to try to be LESS, Mac. I completely understand your situation and your secret has, is, and will always be safe with me."

Mac (now looking calmly and friendlier toward Sturgis): "OK, you, I believe you, but still try to be more sensitive and I won't HAVE to be less!"  
Sturgis: "Man, you're relentless, Mac – no wonder why Harm can't seem to get it together with you!"

Mac (now agitated again): "What's that supposed to mean!!!??"

Sturgis (staying calm, but finally deciding to be open and frank with Mac, especially after working with her for awhile now and after getting to know her better – he really did like her a lot and considered her one fine lady and a very good friend): "Mac, you two are quite a pair. For being so intelligent and such eloquent lawyers on behalf of everyone you meet and for being so likeable and friendly to everyone around you, socially – BOTH of you – when it comes to communicating your feelings to the ONE person who you SAY you LOVE, the communication skills AND the emotional strength and stability go out the window!!! Listen, you gotta make the next move to Harm, Mac. Get that 'secret' out in the open with him.

Mac: "Oh, PAHLEEZE, Sturgis! Harm has NO problem whatsoever communicating with people – WOMEN, especially! He's all charm and ease with anyone he's interested in and goes for it! He's NEVER pursued me the way he's gone after all these cute, sweet things he's seems to prefer. Face it, Sturgis – and something I'm working on getting to grips with – he's just not into me! Besides, he's moved on. I have to, too."

Sturgis(still exasperated): "You know what? It IS your problem! You harp on about being his FRIEND as well as being in love with him, but, yet, you pull away, retreat, hide your feelings, and worse yet – even taunt and antagonize him by saying things like you two will NEVER work AND, you're constantly abrupt with him around the office, even when we all go out socially, you make snide comments galore to the guy – Mac, you don't treat your aquaintances, let alone, your enemies that badly! How on earth do you EXPECT him to act!!! And, what are you talking about – he's NEVER pursued you—Mac, he resigned his commission to come after you and saved your LIFE!!!!"

Mac(still defiant): "Sturgis – THAT was just Harm being Harm – that wasn't about ME or being in love with me!!! AND, something you may not know -- I once THREW myself at him, told him outright that I wanted him – he rejected me!! He's just not INTO me, okay?!"

Sturgis: "Your timing must have been off if he 'rejected' you, like you say. Rabb runs, or at least, he used to, whenever he felt out of control of a situation that was heading toward emotional ties or anything that would involve 'love'. He was awfully scarred from losing his father, from his mother re-marrying so soon, even from knowing the story about his grandfather and seeing how his beloved grandmother had to live alone for the rest of her life. Even when we used to talk to him to see the reason behind his mother re-marrying, or to suggest that his grandmother CHOSE to stay alone, but wasn't lonely, or that his Dad died a hero and that he had to move on – Mac, he was stubborn and fixated. Since Mattie, he's gotten better about expressing his feelings, but he's still got a long way to go. He needs you, Mac – you're the type of woman who can stand up to him, balance him out. And -- I don't care what you say, Mac – I've know Rabb for over 20 years and I 'KNOW' him. I think he IS in love with you even though he's never come out and said as much to me. See – with Harm – it's what he's NOT saying that says the most, at least, when it comes to his emotions and certainly his love life! Anyway, Harm's gestures, actions, and looks SAY it all, Mac. You HAD to notice how he looks at you – haven't you?! Well, I have! And, like I said, he's never come out and told me he was in love with you, but when I listen to his 'between the lines' in any conversations he and I have ever had where your name comes up – oh boy, not only is he in love with you, but, the boy's got it BAD, Mac! Did you ever stop to think that he's all charm and ease with people and situations that he could give or take – that don't affect him deeply? With people and situations that really get to him – make him dig deep – he's all flubs and feet in his mouth. He needs you, Mac – your strength, your serenity, your beauty – inner and outer! He's in love with you, if you ask me.

Mac(intently listening to Sturgis, but still agitated): "You've got to be kidding!! There's a perfectly good reason why Harm has never told you he's in love with me??!! It's because he's NOT!!!! But, ok, humour me – tell me about some of your 'between the lines' conversations about ME that you've had with the Commander whereby he's 'declared' his undying love for me!?"

Sturgis(sighing to Mac, then pointing demonstratively to her): "Ok --Remember that time when Bobbie Latham and I tried to set the Admiral up with that architect? And she – her name was Karen or something…."

Mac (interjecting while rolling her eyes): "It was Caroline and she was blonde, perky, pretty, and NOT into the Admiral!! Go on"

Sturgis: "Ah, right – well, anyway, she was mesmerized by Rabb and gave him her number, fully convinced he'd call her by the way he was acting toward her. She pestered Bobbie for weeks to set them up to meet again. As charming and flirty as Harm APPEARED to her that night – he wasn't the least bit interested in HER. It was all about YOU, Mac. Harm went on and on to me about how cute you looked when you were jealous, how he LOVED the way that Caroline zoned right in on him – made you see how desireable he was, how cool and calm you were in the bar even when he saw men oogling you. Mac, he talked for 2 weeks to me about YOU after that night!"

Mac(wide-eyed): "So, he never went out with her – never even called her?"

Sturgis: "Nope. And don't get me started on the whole Renee period in Harm's life! THAT was totally my dear buddy on the rebound from himself feeling some major rejection or frustration of some sort. (Mac grimaced as she thought about Renee alleviating Harm's 'frustration') NOW, I'm starting to FINALLY see the light on that one – she was most definitely NOT his type! And, more recently, there have been other instances of women coming on to Harm and he's given them the idea that he already had a girlfriend. One woman called here and asked the name of Harm's 'brunette' girlfriend as she wanted to contact her to check out her 'competition'!! When I told Harm, he was, as always, cryptic as all hell, but clearly stated there wasn't the remotest chance of any 'competition' then or ever!! He laughed heartily. Even when this professor woman, Alicia Montes, tried to nuzzle up to him – he flat out told me he told her he wasn't available – he was STILL in love with someone else! So when I ask him WHO WAS he in love with, he just laughs and says it's his new pat line whenever he's approached by women – which apparently happens a lot. (Mac frowned at this!). C'mon, Mac, who's he kidding ?-- not me, that's for sure. It's YOU, woman --who else would that someone BE?! Trust me, all you gotta do is throw him a bone– throw him a lifeline. I believe you are the ONLY woman he's ever really loved and loves. Whatever happened in the past is in the past. The timing is right NOW. But, I THINK he's not sure anymore what YOU'RE feeling for HIM these days. BE the friend you SAY you are, BE the woman who truly loves him, who is TRULY 'in love' with him. Try again, Mac. AFTER you've done that and things STILL don't pan out, THEN, move on!!! I know it's a risk, Mac, and you may feel even bigger a fool if things don't turn out the way you want them to, but we're all fools for love! Look at me and Varese. When she kissed me FIRST, the benefits of taking the risk to tell her how I felt caught up and then surpassed with all the drawbacks I kept feeling if she had rejected me, which would've devastated me, Mac. Varese was 'it' for me. I would've never recovered if it didn't work out. BUT, she LOVES me, Mac!!! Ain't that WILD!!!!?

Mac(now smiling and laughing wholeheartedly as she really like Sturgis and was genuinely happy for him): "Get out of here and go get your girl, wild man! You know, Sturgis -- thanks! You are a really good friend and I appreciate your honesty and advice. You ARE a SENSITIVE guy and what you said about Harm – it makes a lot of sense. I'm already planning on what I'm going say to him…tomorrow. (Now reaching out she gave him a big hug, then pulled back.). BUT, it's STILL tonight, 1902 ½, and you've got less than an hour to go home, get pretty, and get to the club. Scoot, mister – and that's an order!"

Sturgis (who was truly touched by her warm hug and now standing at attention): "Aye, Aye, ma'am!" (And scoot out he did)

Mac, now taking a big cleansing breath, gathered her belongings and her thoughts together. She closed the door to her office and headed toward the elevator. She felt tired, but good! She entertained thoughts of Harm. She truly did love him. And, for the first time, she truly believed he loved her. She vowed to herself, 'I WILL call him, I WILL go to him – it IS worth it!!!! First thing– tomorrow. Tomorrow' She then chuckled to herself fancying herself breaking out in a 'Scarlett' type soliloquy or an 'Annie' type song. She outright laughed to herself. She was feeling all warm and fuzzy, euphoric and hopeful and, well – happy! AND THEN the elevator door dinged and opened wide-- and there, before her eyes -- tonight -- smiling brightly right back at her, was her 'tomorrow'. He stepped out, looked into her eyes, 'saw' everything he needed, took her in his arms, ultra-sensitive to her every need. Both of them, exhilarating in the sense of each other, kissed each other, passionately and tenderly. They began to love each other, that night, that moment, for tomorrow, and always and forever!


End file.
